A recent dialogue of somewhat dubious note, proving that I’m not always the wacky one.

Me: “What did you say? Your sister got a blow job?”
M: “No, no….she got a BOOB job. Can you believe it? My 47-year-old sister went from negative nipples to a D cup!”
Me: “Oh my gosh…you’re kidding me!”
M: “She is so sore. Don’t believe it if they tell you you’ll be back in commission right away. It’s been a week and she still can’t move.”
Me: “Yikes. Well. Um. So. …… How are things going with what’s-his-name?”
M: “Really good. We’ll NEVER get married! I couldn’t be happier!”
Me: “That’s freakin’ awesome.”
M: “He’s looking for another job, and has applied for a position with your company. He said to ask you if you can sleep with someone in HR.”
Me: “Sure, whatever it takes.”
M: “I’ll just tell him you’ll work your way through the entire department.”
Me: “No problem. I’ll get started right away.”