While playing the lively game “Who Would You Do?” with a friend, she revealed that she enjoyed flirting with a mutual acquaintance. I was a little befuddled by her choice, because I never gave him a second glance. Yeah, he’s nice…..has a great smile….is attractive. But, I said, he seems too……gee, I don’t know….. metrosexual, I guess. I just wanted to mess up his hair and get him dirty. It would also help, I told my friend, if he had some sort of interesting perversion.

Fast forward to weeks later. The few times I’d seen this person, I’d entertained myself by imagining him with a laced leather thong and a skull-and-crossbones nipple ring under his clean-cut attire. When that got boring because of its extreme unlikeliness, I would try to figure out his appeal. Or, rather, non-appeal. There was something just a little……off. Ever-so-slightly askew. Out of register. Soft. Maybe even girly. Not gay, mind you……just…..hmmmmmm. I couldn’t put my finger on it at all.

Then it hit me. The man has no hair on his arms.

I looked around. Yep, arm hair there….and over there…..yes, and the women, too. Arm hair everywhere. Nothing wrong with arm hair. Some people’s arms had quite inconspicuous hair, but you could tell it was there, even if it was just a slight fuzziness. Like you blurred their edges by a single pixel in Photoshop. But this man had hard, smooth edges, which apparently translated as “unnatural” to my brain.

I know that competitive bodybuilders do the hairless thing. But bodybuilding would not be this man’s reason, unless he’s a brand spankin’ new apprentice.

I mentioned this mysterious hairlessness to a male friend, and he said he knows a guy (not the same person, by the way) who shaves his entire body every two weeks. Just to be sure I understood, I asked, “ENTIRE body?” And my friend nodded a wise, I-know-exactly-what-you’re-asking “yes.” My first question was why.

“Well, he CLAIMS he’s allergic to his own hair. But I think it’s because he wants to look like a human instead of a manimal. He is one hairy son of a bitch.”

O….K…..sure. That’s reasonable, I guess. After a few seconds of imaginary scenarios, my second question was how.

“His wife,” was the simple answer.

Fast forward once more — to tonight, as I succeed in convincing myself to work on a blog entry rather than work out. True to my OCD nature, I am compelled to perform proper research before posting. I google “man shave arms,” and locate a site in which people are sharing their opinions on the matter:

i hate hair, except your eyebrows, eyelashes and head. if the arm hair is out of control, i think it is okay to man-scape-i know a couple guys who do and two who shave it off completely. what you want to do to improve your body is cool by me-as long as it makes you happy. i have been shaving my arms for about 8 years now- i love it!!

Yeah I have a couple of friends who shave their arms..nothing wrong with it. they just want to wear watches and stuff without the pain when hair gets stuck in the belt of the watch..

Only gay guys do that. But girls should shave their arms. I do (I’m a girl). It’s the lady like thing to do.

I know that some bodybuilders, wrestlers, athletes in general do it for a cleaner look. Or maybe they just have obnoxiously hairy arms lol!!

My cousin does it…but I don’t understand why because when it grows back it feels nasty! She has to keep doing it because they grow back thicker! I suggest you don’t do it if you haven’t already.

Stubble arms vs. normal arms. Who shaves their arms? That is just retarded. Are people really that bored?

If you are self conscious about your own arm hair, wax them. By all means, do not shave them! Imagine how super gross the stubble would be. Plus, shaving results in thicker grow back. Waxing can eventually reduce how thick your arm hairs are if done frequently.

Well, then.

I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions. Me? I’ll probably steal sideways glances at people’s arms for awhile, just because I’ll be amused to wonder what the reasons may be if I see a lack of fuzziness. Eventually I’ll get bored with the notion and move on to something else.

Or maybe the thought will infect my brain until I have no choice but to take the plunge myself.

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