E-mails, e-mails. You never know which direction they’ll turn….
X: Did you get a chance to see?
Me: Only a glance. I continued my trek to the bathroom and assumed the fetal position in the back stall.
X: Did you suck your thumb?
Me: Yeah. I wanted to suck my balls, but after fumbling around for a few minutes I remembered I don’t have any.
X: The bad thing about balls and the fetal position on the bathroom floor is that they (the balls) usually stick to the cold tile. Sucks!
Me: Do they have to be recently sucked in order for them to stick?
X: Oh no… They’re usually sooo sweaty that they have the necessary moisture to stick to almost anything.
Me: How interesting. Would they stick to a banana?
X: They’d consume it! Especially with it’s “blob-like” features during a thumb sucking moment like that… It’s all body temp.
Me: Yikes, they’d consume the banana? Peeling and all? Like Godzilla consumed Japan?
X: Like a slow-moving molasses.
Me: We should sic sweaty balls on all things we wish would disappear. There’s a painting I created 8 or so years ago as a group project with other artists…..it sucked, and I mean hard like a black hole. It is still hanging somewhere with my name on it. Could sweaty balls take care of it for me?
X: Like I said… It’s all about the body temp.
Me: Hmmmmm. Well, that’s about all the conversation I can eek out of sweaty balls. Got anything else to add?
X: Visuals and lab experiments?! Sorry, I’m not totally focused on balls right now. Have you asked others?
Me: No, I reserve sweaty-ball email conversations for you. Oh, wait….Y may have something to add. Y? (I cc’d Y)
X: Oh no you didn’t…?!!
Me: Hey, I’m stressed. It’s OK for stressed people to go a little insane. Perfectly acceptable. Right, Y? (I cc’d Y again)
Y: As a refined sophisticate, I only partake of perspiration-laced balls, which would never consider temporarily adhering themselves to a frigid surface (other than mine).
Y: As a refined sophisticate, I only go a little insane, which is perfectly acceptable as you so astutely note.