Quiz time, my dear, sweet mm readers! :) I’ve taken mildly amusing slices of my life (or someone else’s) and turned them into a fabulously interactive bit o’fun for you. Guess the answers, if you wish, via the happy little comment tool.

(Updated 9/3/08 – Answers are asterisked in bold.)

1. What dialog came just before…. “Dude, I’d rather smell your butt”?

a. “What sort of toxic soup of chemicals are you spraying in your office? It’s making me gag.” ***
b. “Auugh! I really wish you’d stop microwaving broccoli for lunch.”
c. “Get those hot donuts out of here — I can’t be smelling yummy things! Don’t you know I’m on a diet?”

2. To what was a friend referring when s/he said, “I big-toed it down the drain”?

a. a giant centipede
b. dog excrement
c. human excrement ***

3. What was a co-worker doing in the hallway when I peeked outside my office and asked, “Hey, wouldn’t it be better if you blew yourself in your office?”

a. leaning forward, almost doubled over, with his back to me
b. testing a desk fan to see if it would blow an electrical circuit ***
c. blowing his face and neck with canned air

4. What was my response to…. “Come on, Lisa! I know he’s a dirty old man who’s almost 70, but he’s funny as hell and is worth millions. He owns five planes. He’s going to waste all that money on SOME woman, and it may as well be someone we like.”

a. “I don’t know….the last time I got involved with an older man, I ended up on TV wearing hot pink short shorts and a matching feather boa.”
b. “Um…isn’t he the one who has an anatomically-correct, inflatable sheep in his hangar?” ***
c. “Maybe. Do you think he would teach me to fly?”

5. To what was a co-worker referring when s/he e-mailed, “It was like a pilot light on my trash hole last night.”

a. yesterday’s spicy lunch ***
b. hemorrhoids
c. an inflamed zit in an unfortunate location

6. A friend almost got in trouble for doing something naughty at the beach. What did he do?

a. flirted with a buxom, Texan debutante who was accompanying her pistol-totin’ daddy on a business trip
b. buried a buddy’s 5-year-old son in the sand, sculpting the boy a giant, flaccid 3-ft penis ***
c. got drunk and, after an unpleasant conversation with his girlfriend back home, threw the hotel phone out the window….narrowly missing the hotel manger’s tiny, shiny bald head

7. Years ago, a co-worker laughingly threatened to sue me if I ever wrote a novel and incorporated a story she’d told me about her own childhood. What was it she used to do on warm, sunny days around age 6 or so?

a. go outside in the driveway, strip off all her clothes, and lie spread-eagled on the hot asphalt because she loved the heat against her skin ***
b. climb her favorite tree in the backyard, strip off all her clothes, and swing from her knees on the lower branches, pretending to be a monkey in the zoo
c. slip through the hedge to their neighbor’s yard, strip off all her clothes, and jump into the shin-deep kiddie pool, hoping that little Robbie would come out and play with her

8. Very recently I was told, “You could try the noodle. Some of the noodles are quite large, and, if you wanted, you could even blow them.” Naturally, that gave me a giggle — but what was I told immediately afterward which gave me a giggle FIT?

a. “Some people also suck the noodles.”
b. “Blowing them makes the noodles bigger.”
c. “Of course, it’s usually children who blow the noodles.” ***